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Top Geek Slogans

1. Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. 2. COFFEE.EXE Missing – Insert Cup and Press Any Key 3. Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 4. 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2. 5. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. 6. Computers...

True History of the Net

[Key Players and Terms identified at end] First there was God. He was quite lonely so he created Dennis. Dennis was unimpressed with God. So,… God created Brian. But, Brian got bored with God. So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they created C. God saw C,...

Windows 95 Upgrade Sourcecode

#include <windows.h> #include <system_errors.h> #include <stdlib.h> char make_prog_look_big[1600000]; main() { if (detect_cache()) disable_cache(); if (fast_cpu()) set_wait_states(lots); set_mouse(speed, very_slow); set_mouse(action, jumpy);...

Windows 95 Versus Jesus Christ

Win95 Versus Jesus Christ If you have half a brain, you can’t help but notice the throng of publications, analists and net users declaring Windows 95 the Saviour of the Computer Industry. If you have less than half a brain, you probably believe it. Could it be?...

Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers

Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers Never write a line of code that someone else can understand. Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter intuitive names. Don’t ever code “a=b”, rather do something like:...

NULL – The Ultimate Computer Language

NULL – The Ultimate Computer Language BASKING RIDGE, NJ – Bell Laboratories has formally announced what it believes is the ultimate computer science language. Described by Iusi Nogoto, the foremost Japanese fourth generation language expert, as “the...

A Humorous Look at the History of DOS

A Humorous Look at the History of DOS How It Came To Pass… Long ago, in the days when all disks flopped in the breeze and the writing of words was on a star, the Blue Giant dug for the people the Pea Sea. But he needed a creature who could sail the waters, and...

Diary of an AOL User

Diary of an AOL User. July 18 – I just tried to connect to America Online. I’ve heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I’d better hold onto it incase they don’t ever send me another one! I can’t...

Things you don’t want to hear your System Administrator say

Uh-oh….. Shit!! What the hell!? Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this….. Hey!! The suns don’t do this. Terminated??! What software license? Well, it’s doing something….....

Assembly Language Commands

Al Cmds Forgotten Assembly Language Commands ARG Agree to run garbage BBT Branch on binary tree BBW Branch both ways BEW Branch either way BH Branch and hang BMR Branch multiple registers BOB Branch on bug BOD Beat on drum BOI Byte operator immediately BPDI Be polite,...