Computer Terms

                                 COMPUTER TERMS 
     
     BIT:            A word used to describe computers, as in "Our 
                     son's computer cost quite a bit." 
     
     BOOT:           What your friends give you because you spend too 
                     much time bragging about your computer skills. 
     
     BUG:            What your eyes do after you stare at the tiny 
                     green computer screen for more than 15 minutes. 
                     Also: what computer magazine companies do to you 
                     after they get your name on their mailing list. 
     
     CHIPS:          The fattening, non-nutritional food computer 
                     users eat to avoid having to leave their 
                     keyboards for meals. 
     
     COPY:           What you have to do during school tests because 
                     you spend too much time at the computer and not 
                     enough time studying. 
     
     CURSOR:         What you turn into when you can't get your 
                     computer to perform, as in "You $#% computer!" 
     
     DISK:           What goes out in your back after bending over a 
                     computer keyboard for seven hours at a clip. 
     
     DUMP:           The place all your former hobbies wind up soon 
                     after you install your computer. 
     
     ERROR:          What you made the first time you walked into a 
                     computer showroom to "just look." 
     
     EXPANSION UNIT: The new room you have to build on to your home to 
                     house your computer and all its peripherals. 
     
     FILE:           What your secretary can now do to her nails six 
                     and a half hours a day, now that the computer 
                     does her day's work in 30 minutes. 
     
     FLOPPY:         The condition of a constant computer user's 
                     stomach due to lack of exercise and a steady diet 
                     of junk food (see Chips"). 
     
     HARDWARE:       Tools, such as lawnmowers, rakes and other heavy 
                     equipment you haven't laid a finger on since 
                     getting your computer. 
     
     IBM:            The kind of missile your family members and 
                     friends would like to drop on your computer so 
                     you'll pay attention to them again. 
     
     MENU:           What you'll never see again after buying a 
                     computer because you'll be too poor to eat in a 
                     restaurant. 
     
     MONITOR:        Often thought to be a word associated with 
                     computers, this word actually refers to those 
                     obnoxious kids who always want to see your hall 
                     pass at school. 
     
     PROGRAMS:       Those things you used to look at on your 
                     television before you hooked your computer up to 
                     it. 
     
     RETURN:         What lots of people do with their computers after 
                     only a week and a half. 
     
     TERMINAL:       A place where you can find buses, trains and 
                     really good deals on hot computers. 
     
     WINDOW:         What you heave the computer out of after you 
                     accidentally erase a program that took you three 
                     days to set up.