"Data Processing Definitions" Access Time - The time between the instant at which information is called for, and the instant at which management expects the final report. Assembler - One who drops his card deck. Assumed Decimal Point - Located two positions to the right of a programmer's current salary in estimating his own worth. Bit - The increment by which programmers slowly go mad. Breakpoint - The point at which programmer increments past last bit available. Chaining - A method of attaching programmers to desks to speed up output. Checkpoint - The location from which a programmer draws his salary. Core Storage - A receptacle for the center section of apples. Counter - A device over which martinis are served. Crash - What a detached (q.v.) programmer would dearly love to do, for at least eight hours. Default - De line west of which de state of California will float off to sea at de next major quake. Detached - What programmer becomes after third day without sleep. Device - Medieval torture instrument such as thumbscrew, iron maiden. Disassembler - An unattended five year old child. Diskettes - A group recently formed from old members of the rockettes. Documentation - A manual which tells you how to use a program, system, or utility one version ago, and which is now unsupported. Error - What someone else has made when he disagrees with your computer output. External Storage - A wastebasket. Fixed Word Length - Four-letter words used by programmers in a state of confusion. Floating Control - A characteristic exhibited when you have to go to the restroom but cannot leave the computer. Floating Point - The absolute limit before floating control is lost. Flow Chart - A graphic representation of the fastest route to the restroom. Hardware - Nuts, bolts, and circuit boards "left over" after repairman has reassembled cpu. Host - Person who insists on keeping visiting programmer up until 4 am with trivia. I/O Device - Note you sign for the bank in/order to get loan for new (old) car. Input - Food, whiskey, beer, asprin, etc. Library - An organized collection of obsolete material. Load - What you dump after reaching floating point. Low Order Position - The programmer's location in the chain of command. Macro - The last half of an expression of surprise: "Holy Macro". Memory Dump - Amnesia. Mainframe - Primary person who just got set up for the blame of the system crash. Microsecond - Amount of time needed for a program to bomb. Off-Line - Uncharitable remarks programmer makes to wife or husband upon being phoned at 9pm to come in because system just crashed. On-Line - Programmer trying to deal rationally on phone with management at 9pm. Peripheral - Now you see it, now you don't... Printout - A document to verify data you know is wrong anyway. Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. Source file - One which was "appropriated" from one of the competitors. Switch - When management changes its mind. Terminal - Condition of detached programmer three days further along.