Fast Food The 5NIX Way

     Last night I dreamed that the Real World had adopted the "Unix 
     Philosophy." 
     
     I went to a fast-food place for lunch.  When I arrived, I found that 
     the menu had been taken down, and all the employees were standing in a 
     line behind the counter waiting for my orders.  Each of them was 
     smaller than I remembered, there were more of them than I'd ever seen 
     before, and they had very strange names on their nametags. 
     
     I tried to give my order to the first employee, but he just said 
     something about a "syntax error."  I tried another employee with no 
     more luck.  He just said "Eh?" no matter what I told him.  I had 
     similar experiences with several other employees.  (One employee named 
     "ed" didn't even say "Eh?," he just looked at me quizzically.) 
     Disgusted, I sought out the manager (at least it said "man" on his 
     nametag) and asked him for help.  He told me that he didn't know 
     anything about "help," and to try somebody else with a strange name 
     for more information. 
     
     The fellow with the strange name didn't know anything about "help" 
     either, but when I told him I just wanted to order he directed me to a 
     girl named "oe," who handled order entry.  (He also told me about 
     several other employees I couldn't care less about, but at least I got 
     the information I needed.) 
     
     I went to "oe" and when I got to the front of the queue she just 
     smiled at me.  I smiled back.  She just smiled some more.  Eventually 
     I realized that I shouldn't expect a prompt.  I asked for a hamburger.  
     She didn't respond, but since she didn't say "Eh?" I knew I'd done 
     something right.  We smiled at each other a little while longer, then 
     I told her I was finished with my order.  She directed me to the 
     cashier, where I paid and received my order. 
     
     The hamburger was fine, but it was completely bare... not even a bun. 
     I went back to "oe" to complain, but she just said "Eh?" a lot.  I 
     went to the manager and asked him about "oe."  The manager explained 
     to me that "oe" had thousands of options, but if I wanted any of them 
     I'd have to know in advance what they were and exactly how to ask for 
     them. 
     
     He also told me about "vi," who would write down my order and let me 
     correct it before it was done, and how to hand the written order to 
     "oe."  "vi" had a nasty habit of not writing down my corrections 
     unless I told her that I was about to make a correction, but it was 
     still easier than dealing directly with "oe." 
     
     By this time I was really hungry, but I didn't have enough money to 
     order again, so I figured out how to redirect somebody else's order to 
     my plate.  Security was pretty lax at that place. 
     
     As I was walking out the door, I was snagged by a giant Net.  I 
     screamed and woke up.