From: (Angus McIntyre)
Newsgroups: demon.local
Subject: Re: More bloody junk email
Organization: Rev'd Jack's Roamin' Cadillac Church

Mike Fleming wrote:
>I'm going to quote email here because it's not personal, it's junk.
>Has anyone else received this crap?
>From: "Peter S. Russell"
>Date: Fri, 6 Oct 1995 8:46:00
>Subject: Client Server Management HandiGuide(r)
>Mike, I can see from your recent posting that you
>know the value of a well managed client server environment.
>Our Client Server Management HandiGuide(r) ...

Interesting. When I received this - same source - it was the 'Infosystems Job Description Handiguide(r)'. The following, for your entertainment, is the message that I posted back to them. Oddly enough, I haven't heard from them since:

To: "Peter S. Russell"
From: (Angus McIntyre)
Subject: Re: Job Descriptions HandiGuide(r)

At 1:51 PM 31.08.95, Peter S. Russell wrote:
>Angus, we have written a book that can really
>make your life easier. It's called the Information
>Systems Position Description HandiGuide.

Dear Mr Russell

Thank you for your message. Sadly, having once responded to a job offer advertised in a similar publication without reading the small print thoroughly beforehand, I have now become a bond serf for life to the lineal descendents of Duke Tostig of Mercia, something which restricts considerably my freedom to seek alternative employment. Indeed, under the terms of the Witmoot Charter on Villeins, Chattels and Serfs (originally instituted in 961 but, by some quaint accident of English law, never actually repealed), a bonded serf may be summarily strung up by his thumbs (or, in the event that he has no thumbs, by such other appendage as shall seem appropriate) for even considering leaving his master. While my duties as a serf are not onerous, involving mostly turnip-gathering, wood-hewing, pig-minding and the maintenance of a large object-oriented DBMS written in C++, and I have no real reason to complain of my lot in life, you will understand if I am not immediately in a position to take advantage of the possibilities offered by your no doubt excellent handbook.

This being the case, I would be grateful if you could remove my name from your database. I remain,

Yours feudally,

Angus McIntyre
Bond serf to Duke Godwin VIII of Mercia
Special Pig-Keeping Division

P.S. What would really make my life easier is if I could find a way to keep the speckled sow from getting into the kitchen garden and eating the young vegetables. Do you think that your handbook is large enough and heavy enough that if I threw it at her, it might have some kind of deterrent effect?

"Huru Welandes worc ne geswices monna aenigum           Ducal House of Mercia 
 sara se Mimming can heardne gehealdan."                Est. 1013 A.D. Fid.Def.

The opinions expressed in this message are not those of the Duke of Mercia, and
 cannot be those of the serf, serfs having by definition no opinions. They may,
         however, be those of one of the pigs, or possibly of a turnip.

I suspect that as a tactic, it'll probably lose its usefulness if over-used, but you might care to try something similar.