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True History of the Net

[Key Players and Terms identified at end] First there was God. He was quite lonely so he created Dennis. Dennis was unimpressed with God. So,… God created Brian. But, Brian got bored with God. So Brian and Dennis started playing, and they created C. God saw C,...

Windows 95 Upgrade Sourcecode

#include <windows.h> #include <system_errors.h> #include <stdlib.h> char make_prog_look_big[1600000]; main() { if (detect_cache()) disable_cache(); if (fast_cpu()) set_wait_states(lots); set_mouse(speed, very_slow); set_mouse(action, jumpy);...

Windows 95 Versus Jesus Christ

Win95 Versus Jesus Christ If you have half a brain, you can’t help but notice the throng of publications, analists and net users declaring Windows 95 the Saviour of the Computer Industry. If you have less than half a brain, you probably believe it. Could it be?...

Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers

Hippocratic Oath For Software Engineers Never write a line of code that someone else can understand. Make the simplest line of code appear complex. Use long counter intuitive names. Don’t ever code “a=b”, rather do something like:...

NULL – The Ultimate Computer Language

NULL – The Ultimate Computer Language BASKING RIDGE, NJ – Bell Laboratories has formally announced what it believes is the ultimate computer science language. Described by Iusi Nogoto, the foremost Japanese fourth generation language expert, as “the...